shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a search helicopter?!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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