anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
