Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
