im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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