those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
