On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
