Rock
Scissors
Fuck
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize