i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
