from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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