No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
