I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
