I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
