Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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