wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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