she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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