I think i peed on brittanys purse
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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