We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
