Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
