i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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