oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
