I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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