this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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