Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
