Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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