I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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