Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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