We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
