You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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