We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
