I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
