yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
