She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
