Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
