Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well you can't waste a boner
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
