i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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