I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
