The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
