All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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