i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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