In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
