I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
