i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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