Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
