Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
