I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
