I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
