i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1046 607 share tweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize