Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate all girls vehemently.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
