I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
