What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
