Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
