the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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