I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
