can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
