After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
