When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
