Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
