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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
