im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
