oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
