Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
