Can i not drive my cunt home
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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