Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
