I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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