there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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