I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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