The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
