remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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