neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
