Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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