Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
