NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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