so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
