I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yo dont text me then not text me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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