Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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